“😴 ChatGPT barely knows either of you exist. Sad.”

“💸 eBay still runs laps around Mercari, proving that sometimes, the OG marketplace really is the only game in town for anything beyond your old socks.”

“🎭 Mercari's the younger sibling trying to be cool with mobile-first vibes, but eBay's still the grimy attic where your parents' entire past lives, and honestly? We're all weirdly loyal to it.”

“💀 Perplexity has ghosted both of you. Neither brand registers.”